Is it so hard to be nice?

This is an honest question.  Is it so hard to be nice?  To be supportive?  I have had several conversations in the last month (all with different people) about how unkind some of their past trainers have been.  Apparently one even went so far as to tell her student to just stop riding because she was ruining her horse.  Now I know that we have all had bad rides, and days where you get off your horse and just want to give up, but part of the trainers job is to offer encouragement on those hard days.  Even in the worst rides you can find something positive, even if it is "well at least you didn't get bucked off".

So I am completely baffled when I hear stories of trainers who beat up on their students, yell at them, tell them what a bad job they are doing.  How is this helpful??  How is this helping to get your student past the rough spots?  Do you want them to stop riding and then you lose a client?  It does not even make good business sense.  Nowhere in the job description for "horse trainer" will you find the words therapist and cheerleader, and yet that is such a big part of being a good trainer.  Their are countless comparisons that can be made between the challenges of learning to ride and the challenges of life but the one I am making today it that a bad trainer, one who is unsuportive or degrading to you, is no better than having an abusive boyfriend.  They will take your money, your time, and your emotional health and leave you with nothing more than a feeling of being unconfident and inadequate.  So my two cents worth of advice to the students of the horse world today is that no matter how amazing or talented you think your trainer is, if you go home from your lessons feeling like crap over and over again, it is time to look for a new trainer.

So lets take a quick poll.  Have you ever left a trainer because they were not nice to you?

Be quiet, stop assuming and listen

Wow, it has been a LONG time since I posted. Oops. I will try to be better, promise!

So today I want to talk about listening. Not just with your ears, but with your eyes as well. Horses are primarily non-verbal communicators and sometimes behaviors that humans might consider misbehavior’s are really the horse doing their best to tell us there is a problem.

Example #1 comes from my own horse, Charlie. Charlie is a 14yr old OTTB that I have owned since he came off the track as a 4yr old. He is, without a doubt, one of the easiest horses I have ever worked with. He is calm, he is kind, he is willing, and he tries his heart out for me. Charlie came off the track with multiple bone chips in his right knee and underwent surgery to remove them and clean up the joint. I was warned by multiple vets before the surgery that he may never be more than pasture sound. I was doubtful of this prognosis because he never looked lame. If the joint had not been the size of a melon, I would not have known there was a problem. The surgery occurred in August 2004 and the next four months were spent on the slow and tedious rehab process. He was back under saddle that December. Here is a picture of just a few of the bone fragments that were removed from his knee.

One day, after being back in work for about a month, Charlie would not open his mouth to take the bit. This had never been a problem before and since it was winter, I assumed that he did not like the cold metal. I warmed up the bit and then made him accept it and we went on with the ride. It was not a great ride and he was more stiff than usual, but I put it off to him being in a bad mood that day. This pattern repeated multiple times over the next month until the light bulb went off in my brain and I immediately felt like an idiot. It was WINTER, he had just had MAJOR joint surgery and he was trying to tell me, by resisting the bridle, that he was sore. This pattern has held true ever since. Any day that he is resistant to accepting the bit, I can find a physical reason for it. An abscess brewing, a bad tooth, sore muscles etc. He is an incredibly stoic horse and it is not often that he will show outward signs of pain, but he still found a way of letting me know when he does not feel good. I just had to put together the clues.

Example #2 is one of my favorite little mares, named Lola. Lola has a reputation of being a princess. She is young, just four years old and is sassy and opinionated by nature and this can make her a real challenge some days. Personally I think she has just the right amount of spice to make her an absolute blast to ride, but she is not for everyone. Most of the time, if she is going to be naughty, it happens on the ground and it is dramatic. Subtlety is not one of her talents. So imagine my confusion when one day I led her up to the mounting block and she took one very large, very deliberate, sideways step away from it and then just turned and stared at me. She had always been very good about standing quietly at the block, so this was very unusual behavior. I tried again and got the same result. Luckily, thanks to Charlies lesson from years ago, I was more aware of the signals and quickly caught on that she was trying to tell me something. After several minutes of poking, prodding and checking every inch of her, I realized that that her shoulders were sore. The saddle that she wore had been fit to her many months before by a professional saddle fitter, but as I said, she is four and her muscling had changed dramatically in that time. A change of saddle and padding as well as a good massage was all she needed to get back on track.  For anyone interested in this fabulous little mare, check out https://www.safehorses.org/?page_id=8980

As humans we are used to communicating with words and symbols, but a horse does not have that option. It is up to us, as their caretakers, trainers and riders, to pay attention to their way of communicating and to respect it. If there is a breakdown in the relationship between horse and human, it is not the horses fault. This is part of what makes them such fantastic animals to work with. So stop assuming your horse is just being a jerk, or was just born with a bad attitude. Take the time to listen and look for the reason behind a behavior. You may be surprised at what you learn.